Whatever the truth, David’s missing member is apt: as you play through the DLC, you get the feeling there’s something missing from the overall package.
Has the farcical furore surrounding Mass Effect’s damp squib of a sex scene dissuaded BioWare from risqué content? Indeed BioWare perhaps knows this better than any developer. How odd it is to criticise a game for not having enough cock, when games generally get it in the neck for daring to show even the slightest hint of side boob. Why? Who knows? My best guess is BioWare didn’t think a floppy (or is it hard ’cause it’s stone?) cock would fit with Mass Effect 2’s 15 age rating. But you can’t help but feel that something’s missing, namely: David’s cock. It’s actually the high point of the DLC: when you finally get to infiltrate Hock (the big bad boss)’s personal collection of ancient artefacts, and you spot David standing proudly among other iconic pieces including Liberty’s head, sculptures of alien races (and one Easter egg for Dragon Age fans), it’s an undoubtedly cool moment. Me? All I know is David’s famous because it’s a statue of a man with his dong out. Now, the cultured among you will know the “arty farty” reasons for the sculpture’s masterpiece status.
I’m talking about Michelangelo’s David, which is beautifully rendered in-game as part of an impressive antique collection owned by an up-market gangster Shepard and Kasumi are trying to steal from. Instead, concentrate on this: there’s a moment when you’ll do a double take as you realise that developer BioWare has inexplicably left out perhaps the most famous “bit” of all.
After completing Kasumi’s Stolen Memory, the first premium downloadable content released for incredible RPG/shooter Mass Effect 2, I thought to myself, ‘man, this would have been so much better if it had more cock’.įorget the fact that it’s short (the loyalty mission won’t take you longer than an hour to finish), and the fact that Kasumi Goto, the sexy rogue-like party member the DLC introduces, is about as interesting as a tree stump.
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